what? no abby they are not directed at you you self centred cock. lol jk
hmm exams are interesting...
i had like a major melt down yesterday.
nothing seems to be working to help me
i am really so agitated
yesterday i was so screwed up i couldn't think properly
you know that feeling when you breathe in hard and fast.
yeah that.
oh i played basketball today. helped me realise i suck
went on my old account for a while and whao so many people
it seems like ages ago.
feels like if i fail i let so many people down.
but i think it's only me.
cause no one seems to be pushing me to do well
not even my mother believe that? lol
it's like when i hope there's a person there to say to me like hey its alright.

although now that i think of it. it's just that one person maybe.
not anyone else. because really when it's from anyone else. no offense it falls on deff shit i dono how to spell it the one you cannot hear lol.
it's acceptance from the i love.
so many times i'd be debating in my head why she is the one.
so many other girls
but im devouted to this one.
maybe it's too early
i should wait.
everytime i see a couple or even old parents i think to myself
why cant i have that.
then i think about school and how everone doesn't.
that's my predicament if anyone else can live without one why cant i?
what's in me that want's this.

i hate myself i despise myself when i think these things over god you know im like thinking why why am i such a worldly being then i think well didn't god make my wordly being like this?
blesfemy whatever the word is bliss ignorance. i pray for wisdom. and the lord's will to be done. though when bad things happen is it the will of the lord?
then again is the sinning of man the genesis of it all was it the will of god?
no it is not
then we ask why why did god give us free will to sin against him.
why cant he have robots.
maybe to see how much we love him with all the bad times.
maybe he wants us to suffers as others may see it
i am saddened when i see others sinning still myself i feel like hurting myself when i sin.
woe(super cool conjuction used^^) if you continue as such you will dye.
not having life any more.
good.
but what if i say you will die forever. how simple hell that's the bottom line it's not like you die its it or you are made to do bad things. it's like worse than the worse feeling of ever you felt. haha whatever. you cannot dye more in hell from the inside you you burn try to kill yourself you cant cause you are dead. filled with guilt anger any thing wrong you feel. this has no purpose in evangelism but it's all im saying. just don t do bad things.?