hmm i like this blogger thing it saves my post even if later i do something stupid.
i going to get some perscription like sunglasses im so excited but it cost 300 -_-. like what the pong right... =D but someone made me a happy man on the 27th. life's god just need to be a bit more thankful. and need to read a lot. tuition is still there hur. oh yes i found out the band isn't west bound but west grand boulevard^^ i feel like such a turd. be happy ppl

ah i did not do really anything today i woke up at 1 then yeah.

the title has no connection to the post.
well today i was supposed to go to dare but i didn't.
cause right no one else was going so otherwise it would be weird right.
hmm i was just like thinking yesterday...
forget it haha. going to rock on myanmar today
don't know what to expect.

i realise that this whole world is ALL about outward appearance. no one really cares about how you are inside and those who do... well i haven't done research that far. but i must give fair judgement there isn't much of them though. actually im not one to say. well today my post sucks. i just think i suck and so does everyone else.

today between papers i sat in the auditorium upper deck :) got air-condition so cool!
then the door was ajar though not all the way so once a while there was that beam of light.
i was so derpressed from the A math paper. i guess i told my self it was got with his pillar of guidance.

went out with some one... no details on who la
let us call her person A
then blah blah agreed to study.
aiya i realised this story is quite long.
i used to like her and shit.
hadn't seen her b4 i know how do you like someone you never see b4.
don't judge me. well i know you did ready so what can i do?
okay then went out saw her.
then i remembered her i used to like her in like primary school b4 =.=
made me feel even worse.
i liked her 3 times b4.
what a waste of my life then blah blah
went out study.
then half way through i was sad
dono just something in me got so sad
like out of no where i understood something that i didnt know
i think i just found out what i always expected.
she was that person who hurt my feelings in the first place.
dont get me wrong she is hot and smart all but the knowing of what she did to me did not go away. so much spite :S ?
it just assured my hopes in person B.

what? no abby they are not directed at you you self centred cock. lol jk
hmm exams are interesting...
i had like a major melt down yesterday.
nothing seems to be working to help me
i am really so agitated
yesterday i was so screwed up i couldn't think properly
you know that feeling when you breathe in hard and fast.
yeah that.
oh i played basketball today. helped me realise i suck
went on my old account for a while and whao so many people
it seems like ages ago.
feels like if i fail i let so many people down.
but i think it's only me.
cause no one seems to be pushing me to do well
not even my mother believe that? lol
it's like when i hope there's a person there to say to me like hey its alright.

although now that i think of it. it's just that one person maybe.
not anyone else. because really when it's from anyone else. no offense it falls on deff shit i dono how to spell it the one you cannot hear lol.
it's acceptance from the i love.
so many times i'd be debating in my head why she is the one.
so many other girls
but im devouted to this one.
maybe it's too early
i should wait.
everytime i see a couple or even old parents i think to myself
why cant i have that.
then i think about school and how everone doesn't.
that's my predicament if anyone else can live without one why cant i?
what's in me that want's this.

i hate myself i despise myself when i think these things over god you know im like thinking why why am i such a worldly being then i think well didn't god make my wordly being like this?
blesfemy whatever the word is bliss ignorance. i pray for wisdom. and the lord's will to be done. though when bad things happen is it the will of the lord?
then again is the sinning of man the genesis of it all was it the will of god?
no it is not
then we ask why why did god give us free will to sin against him.
why cant he have robots.
maybe to see how much we love him with all the bad times.
maybe he wants us to suffers as others may see it
i am saddened when i see others sinning still myself i feel like hurting myself when i sin.
woe(super cool conjuction used^^) if you continue as such you will dye.
not having life any more.
good.
but what if i say you will die forever. how simple hell that's the bottom line it's not like you die its it or you are made to do bad things. it's like worse than the worse feeling of ever you felt. haha whatever. you cannot dye more in hell from the inside you you burn try to kill yourself you cant cause you are dead. filled with guilt anger any thing wrong you feel. this has no purpose in evangelism but it's all im saying. just don t do bad things.?